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Integrity Seeking Light

One way to get a glimpse of a person’s inner geography is to ask them to explain how a given action they have taken represents their definition of integrity. 

Further, how it reflects values indispensable to the health of the human family.  

And (especially if the person is a public figure), how they would present their position in an interactive setting with all the planet’s youth who hunger for strong examples of people worth emulating and principles worth embracing.

Obviously this isn’t the kind of request most of us this side of Mr. Rogers can respond to right off the cuff, so giving a person time for reflection is an important, and respectful, part of the exercise.  It also makes their answers much more telling.

However they respond, we learn something vital about them.  

This is the kind of inquiry that’s missing in the Brett Kavanaugh spectacle.

There’s much to learn from the drama surrounding the Supreme Court nomination of Mr. Kavanaugh, not least of all that his youthful behavior isn’t first on the list.  Yes, the details of Mr. Kavanaugh’s life are important; it’s just that they are less important than the process of discovering and evaluating them.  Establishing that process might be thought of as integrity seeking light.

Every choice we so-called adults make is an implicit statement of what constitutes integrity as we define it––our sense of what is sacred, what is essential, the values and practices we aspire to have guide our actions.  

The audience for this statement includes everyone we serve in some way––ourselves for sure, but also our loved ones, colleagues, acquaintances, and, should we be a public figure such as a Supreme Court nominee or a member of Congress or, golly, even the president of the United States, our constituency can include the world at large.  

Imagine if the confirmation process required Mr. Kavanaugh to make a presentation in any format or length he chose that conveyed the life experiences that have been most meaningful to him, what he has learned from them that he feels shapes his sense of self today, and how that shaping has taken place.  It would be great if the audience were nationwide and he was obliged to respond to follow-up questions.

A mature person, in my view, is one with a healthy capacity for reflection, for learning from his or her experiences, and for growing his or her understanding for what is essential to respond to any situation in a positive way––a way that serves the needs of the moment and, by example, the whole of humankind.  

In this spirit, imagine if all those responsible for filling this Supreme Court seat, including Mr. Kavanaugh himself, were given the opportunity to define as throughly as they could how a nominee’s fitness to be a Supreme Court Justice can be addressed in a manner that offers the world, for generations to come, an example of exceptional integrity.

That such a possibility can seem ludicrous suggests what a good reminder the Kavanaugh confirmation circus is.  Specifically, how much love, courage and persistence is required for any of us to establish a strong sense of integrity––and act on it. 

Nancy Cathcart: A Celebration

 

This afternoon, Sunday, 24 June 2018, a memorial celebration of Nancy Cathcart is taking place in Burlington, Vermont.  This past January, shortly before her death, Nancy and I enjoyed a brief interchange via Facebook Messenger, from which the essay below was born, received her blessing, and was published.  That it was then opened more than 4000 times over the following few days suggests the breadth of Nancy’s family of the heart. In honor of that family, gathering today in the flesh and in spirit, I’m republishing it. 

The Beautiful Farewell

of Nancy Cathcart

If I had to condense all of life into one activity, it would be this: embracing the present moment, and responding to it with all the beauty we can muster. 

By beauty I mean that which draws us in the direction of oneness, unity, kinship.  The opposite of judgment.

To pull this off, of course, requires us to open one of life’s most precious gifts, the gift of choice.  We must define for ourselves what, in fact, is going on.  Then, we must determine what it means for us to respond in beauty.

These choices can be especially poignant when what we’ve determined is at hand is our death.

So it has been for Nancy Cathcart.  And the beauty with which she has responded, if my experience is any measure, is enriching the lives of that big tent full of fortunate souls she considers her tribe. 

While Nancy and I have known of each other’s existence for at least a decade, we’ve never met in person, never had a phone conversation, never corresponded by email or snail mail.  Years ago, she subscribed to receive the essays I occasionally write.  She’d sometimes comment on and share them with friends, which I found illuminating and gratifying.  On one occasion a few months back via Facebook she requested any insight I might offer regarding something she was attempting to address.  That’s about it. 

I mention this because I cannot speak for her.  But what I can do is share the gratefulness I feel for how she has orchestrated her farewell. 

Her reaching out to me with a kind word has led to the unexpected pleasure of returning her gaze.  Death has blessed us both with the opportunity to reflect on who we are and what has contributed to our self-understanding. 

Who could ask for more?

Here’s the heart of our interchange, via Facebook Messenger:

Nancy, Wednesday night: 

I am departing this place and time.  Ovarian cancer revisited and had stacked my bowels.  Given just enough time to be with loved ones and write to friends.  I hope my sons discover your writings because as their adult hearts burst open, I want them to discover grace, as you have so often, thank you.  It has been a privilege to learn from you.  Peace.  Nancy Cathcart.

Steve, Thursday morning:

A talisman I will carry with me for the rest of my life is the delightful anticipation that our paths would cross serendipitously some day, we would look at each other, laugh big, and hug.  What a blessing that one can have a good friend and never meet in person.  I hold you and your boys in my heart.  In gratitude, Steve.

What a rare commemoration Nancy has set in motion.  To so briefly and mutually “take stock” of a relationship as death approaches, and do so in a manner rooted solely in good will.  Recognizing the impulse to “wish things were different,” but not being distracted by it.  Honoring what is, joining with it, and celebrating the enormous opportunity to be present in the sacredness of existence.  

Creating beauty, in other words.

"The push to change the words “nigger” and “injun” in Mark Twain’s Huckleberry Finn, because the so-called offensive nature of those terms might limit today’s readership and appreciation of that literary classic, is a wonderful opportunity to reflect on how we avoid taking responsibility for our feelings––and therefore miss the chance to become more awake, more whole, more useful friends to one another."

The Essay: The Gold in Niggers and Injuns