Energy Doesn’t Lie

There are certain Hollywood stars, male and female, who claim to have been unaware that Harvey Weinstein was a sexual predator.  Let’s assume that all of those statements are honestly held.  That they are not colored by any extenuating circumstance, such as the desire to maintain one’s image as a person of integrity who “…surely would have spoken up had I known.”  Even if, in their minds, all are truly as oblivious as a cloistered nun to Weinstein’s predation, I feel that some, maybe many, did know, just not on terms they are consciously aware of.  How is that possible?  The answer is most concisely stated by adage “Energy Doesn’t Lie.” Read More

Our Friend Indignation

Indignation is our friend, if we’re keen on bringing our best self to the party.

By indignation I mean “self-righteous condemnation fueled by anger.”

Something is wrong, and we’re pissed about it.  From a fly in our soup, to the actions of others so brutal you wonder whether humankind deserves to survive.

My behavior too often suggests that I believe that indignation is necessary to convey my passionate resistance to what I find abhorrent, or undesirable, and sometimes just contrary to my whim.

I know better.  I’m right there with those who say the purpose of life is to be happy and reduce the suffering of others.  I know in spades that indignation is a distraction to that end.  I know, I feel, I experience that it robs me of my peace of mind, abuses my body, and can lead me to spit nastiness at others.  I’m a devotee of spiritual practices that help tremendously to calm my mind.  And while I’m not nearly the walking hand-grenade I have been, there are moments I’ll find myself pounding the steering wheel while silently yelling at the cretin who, years ago, did that thoughtless thing I can’t quite remember but have yet to forgive.  If I catch my face in the rearview mirror, I see just about the ugliest person on earth, which shuts me up quick. Read More

A Noose On Campus

A noose unexpectedly appears on the football field of your beloved alma mater.

If you were the institution’s president, responsible for providing perspective that might help each member of your community consider this incident in the healthiest light, how would you begin your message?

I offer you this question (along with a photo of three of my grandchildren, who are each members of such a community) because I asked it of myself and found it a useful way to deepen my understanding of the person I aspire to be.

Here’s my answer.  Read More

There’s Always A Healthier Choice Than Good Riddance

One of the competitors at this year’s U.S. Open Tennis Championships was disqualified for verbally abusing the umpire.  An opinion piece about the incident in the Times was headlined: “A Crude Rant Gets Fognini Booted From the Open––and Good Riddance.”  In at least one way, Fabio Fognini’s verbal outburst and the Times’ “Good Riddance” were very much the same: a reaction of anger born of unmanaged fear.

Except that the Times’ headline was actually more harmful.  Perhaps unwittingly it encouraged its many readers to infer that demonizing people who do crazy shit is a more effective way of creating a healthier world than growing compassion for them. Read More

If You’re Paying Attention, You’re Not Outraged

 

To what extent are some members of the opposing sides in the Charlottesville, Virginia confrontation the same in their hatred?  How much are each virulent in their disdain for what they feel the other represents?  How are the lives of each compromised by these feelings?  How is our society’s health diminished?

I’m sure that some members of the resistance to white supremacy, of which I am one, live the non-violent principles of the civil rights workers of the 1960’s, which I do, not well, but aspire to.  These principles include that to truly act in a non-violent way, one must remove violence from one’s heart.

My sense is that most people with that capacity have the benefit of some serious training, whether in this life or a previous one.  The rest of us, less skilled at returning love for hate, are more susceptible to being outraged by that which we consider vile.  In the case of Charlottesville, we may find ourselves hating the haters.  And hey, we can easily justify this reaction because, after all, we’re on the side of the angels and those assholes are not.

The self-destructiveness of that response is what some of us may have in common with those whose beliefs and actions we abhor.  I’ve never heard of anyone hating their way to happiness, except by learning how limiting hate is. Read More

"I honor that we are killing the earth for the same reason I consider being an alcoholic a privilege: it is a doorway to the profound self-understanding required to make truly healthy choices."

The Essay: Honoring the Killing of the Earth